I have NO idea why I never went to Las Vegas before. I also have no idea what day it is, but that’s beside the point. People here know how to have a good time and they understand class; well some of them anyway. From the moment we landed and got to the poker scene, two… no four?… days ago, I had a feeling this place was going to be amaaaaaazing. Threw the best damn party of the year all night, every night. Even outdid this pompous elf, Thomas, who thought he was the shit — though he makes the meanest jager bomb when we took over the bar. He crowned our dog as the the Las Vegas Party Dog. Well I got crowned the Party freaking King of Las Vegas. Ha! But I suppose he bowed out with some grace and got a few more upstanding citizens into the scene.
Back to why we’re here. We were on a mission to find someone — for which we have no description beyond that they use the color orange in mysterious ways — sooo helpful — and who owns an artifact which bestows immense luck upon the bearer. They’ve been knocking off casinos and gambling centers for a while and whatever. We knew the target would make it late in the tournament, and no one knows anyone who is willing to cheat a place crawling with Mafioso and still walking with both legs. So barring some wheelchair bound king of poker whose sweeps all the competition we have nothing to really work on for a few days. So party time!!! … owe, that was a little loud.
The rest of my minions know the deeper details and this is their test to prove they’re capable of a little inguinitivaliousness, or something. So far I’ve shown my capabilities by bluffing my way through the tournament, drinking excessively, and — oh yes — purchasing a very fine orange pinstripe suit. Take that color orange, I’ll determine what’s a lucky color you… luck stealing hack. I made it to the quartile half finals or something and now we’re down to a few likely suspects. Last night my little hive of busy bears had me bring the party to the casino and crash the place royalty style so they could smash into somewhere and plant something or other. They were worried about ‘can you start a ruckus’, ‘will you be able to get enough people there’ — pfff I rocked the casino floor with a wonderful display of subtle invocation of conflict and the rest of the group did whatever they set out to do with the unlucky stones princess high-bottom gave us. I think that shemale is a little …
Excuse the abbreviated logoff, I had to run off and to dispose of my bourbon breakfast. Luckily it’s easy to replenish. I think I’m going to take a nice long nap… here in this bathtub. Need my strength for tonight… or tomorrow depending on when it is right now.
Also PM me if you know how to get nova coke stains out of suits.