Troll Divided by Helicopter Equals Emerald
Well Boss, that was some shit.
We were asked by an anonymous Mr. Johnson to recover an emerald from a certain Richard Danger. The thing that should have tipped us off was the number of conditions put on the job – we could only get it done on one day, we couldn't bring in more weapons than a normal person would, we had to keep the Johnson updated constantly, and we had to take the exit plan that the Johnson had arranged for us. We also forgot to ask how large the emerald was, but that one's more on us.
Apart from running through the party with a huge emerald, things went pretty well. It all went wrong when we got onto the roof, where our escape helicopter was supposedly waiting for us. A helicopter was waiting, yes, and the emerald was going to get away – but I don't think we were supposed to, given the number of bullets, spirits, and grenades that flew our way. I was the first one to react, and I started the game off by trying to shoot the Ork standing in the helicopter and a drone. I hit the Ork, but missed the drone. Then came 2 grenades from the 2 drones – luckily, Val and I managed to intercept and throw both of them away. I killed the Ork with a lucky shot through his neck and the drones fired 2 more grenades, before SURPRISE TROLL came from around the corner and punched Val in the face so hard that he flipped head over heels to land flat on his face. Vik and I wisely beat it in opposite directions, while Deezy rolled off in his wheelchair and bricked both drones at the same time. I then may have made an unwise choice in detonating a pepper punch grenade right on top of Val, but I like to think I made up for it by grabbing him, the briefcase, and gibbing the hidden elf mage while in the cloud of pepper smoke. I made it out with all of that while Vik nearly got punched off the roof by the troll, and was in the middle of figuring out how I'd kill that steaming pile of drek…
Then Deezy flew a helicopter THROUGH THE TROLL. That problem solved and after digging Vik out from under the wreckage, we threw the emerald off the roof, followed suit (except on a rope) and skedaddled. Then I got sick from the emerald, which was apparently magical, and we were offered long term employment by some mysterious elf with magic powers.
There's one bright side, at least – Vik's going to let me bring all the guns I want for the mission next time.